My biggest hesitation about this blog was that it would be the oversharing equivalent of Mount Rushmore, my face carved into the mountains of my own neurotic grandiosity yelling “look at me and what I’m doing and thinking! Isn’t it, and by association aren’t I, interesting?” As I could certainly be accused of insecure attempts at attention getting and praise in my life, my oversharing fear is probably more reality based than I would like. People I like and respect are going to wonder why the heck I’m spewing all this stuff in public. And it’s a fair question. One I pondered before starting the blog and one I continue to consider.
But here’s the thing… I hate journaling because I hate writing to no one. I always have. For a short period in my life I wanted to be a journalist. One semester of classes had me changing my major to something else, but I considered it. I also thought about writing fiction and I am still mulling over the possibility of freelance non-fiction writing. Even when I don’t write things down, the way I think about things in my head is a constant exercise in writing. I don’t just think my thoughts, I edit them, consider better ways of expressing them. I think in metaphors that stretch out for hours as I consider the ways in which concepts and situations and things relate to other things. It’s chaotic and noisy in my mind and putting it down and sharing it with other people helps me feel less alone with it all.
My hope is that if people don’t want to read this stuff, they simply won’t. That anyone who does read it finds my rambles slightly interesting or entertaining. I will say that this particular blog post is a bit of a stand in because I am trying desperately to find a way to talk about my thoughts and feelings regarding the recent election that takes me to a better place about it all. I have one almost completed blog post about it, but I just keep coming up on dead ends and black holes as I keep trying to get a handle on it all. So I might just write about other topics for a while. For today, this is all I’ve got.